Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Fucktard Named Speidi* | 'Politics as Usual'

Ivster’s Dictionary:

Speidi: A contraction of ‘Spencer’ and ‘Heidi’.

Fucktard: A contraction of ‘fucking’ and ‘retard’.

Their only contribution that I can think of thus far is the highly-fappable image above. That’s it. Let it be known that these imbeciles aren’t really worth my time. Or your time. Quite definitively, they are a waste of time. And air. They’re also an easy target. This’ll be like pinning the tail on a donkey made entirely out of… tail. I never thought it’d come down to this, but it has. Lord, help us all (and I’m a non-theist). Truthfully, this bimbo and mimbo (i.e. a male bimbo, yet another entry in Ivster’s Dictionary) lack depth; as such, this post will follow accordingly.

I’m writing in response to recent chatter that Speidi, as they’ve been affectionately dubbed, made some recent statements regarding 9/11. “Controversial” statements. This tidbit of information would have evaded my radar had Byron Crawford not posted it on his car-wreck of a blog - a car-wreck, because no matter how vile and vulgar it may be, you find yourself glued to it, and always coming back. How’s that for a plug? I digress. Apparently Speidi were on Alex Jones’ show. Alex Jones, for those that don’t know, is a really smart guy who foments dialogue on the stuff that doesn’t make it into your daily newspaper. To some he’s a conspiracy theorist. To others, he’s a conspiracy realist. Personally, I think he’s got some great things to say, but I’m not a follower. I have enough problems with the world I know about, I don’t feel like dealing with the problems taking place behind closed doors. Again, I digress.

Speidi were on his show, as he began to school them on the topic of 9/11 Truth, in short, an ever-growing school of thought that has deduced and concluded that the “attacks” on 9/11 were controlled by a tightly-knit network of corporate assholes, corrupt government officials and people with ulterior motives. Folks far and wide, including first-hand eyewitnesses and demolition experts offer their expertise on the matter – and they make a compelling argument. I believe that some fishy shit went down on 9/11, so I can’t call bullshit on these guys. It seems like more fact than fiction. “Just my thoughts… Just what I was feeling at the time… Right or wrong” © Jay-Z

So basically Jones goes on to explain to Speidi the 9/11 theories (reasonable), stories about implanted microchips (nucking futs) and the whole nine. And they’re yucking it up like the air-headed dunces that they are. Alex Jones is proud of himself. He’s gotten America’s darlings to buy into his views. Great. He notes that his website, InfoWars, had received a surge in hits since Speidi went public about their newfound awakening.

The problem is I’m afraid that Alex Jones doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. I don’t know much about Speidi aside from the fact that they seem like the kind of people who will A) do anything for publicity, and B) believe anything you tell them/allow you to put a battery in their back and tell them to “go”. The epitomy of flip-floppers, they seem like the kind of people who would be radical conspiracy theorists one day, and become Republican Party attendees the next day in a snap. In short, they’re opportunists.

I feel I can best explain this with the use of some images. Exhibit A:

That’s Spencer Pratt and his companion, holding a rifle in one hand and a pack of brewskies in the other. That’s the image of red state livin’. Take an even closer look at Spencer’s t-shirt! It says “Palin for VP”. It doesn’t get much more direct than that! It’s also got three images: a cross, a gun and the American flag. Too bad it wasn’t the Confederate flag, or that woulda been the hick trifecta! Below the images it says God, Guns and Glory, respectively. We take from this image that Speidi are the prototypical conservative, Bible-thumping, gun-clutching wingnuts. Fair enough? Okay, let’s move on to Exhibit B:

Here we have an image of Speidi, posing atop their mountain bikes, each wearing pro-Obama apparel. Heidi’s says “Barack’n ‘N Roll’n”. Isn’t that adorable? What can we draw from this image? In my summation, we can gather that Speidi are the prototypical, liberal, pop-culture savvy, physically active/health conscious, hipster/douchebag couple.

A computer trying to decode these paradoxes would have fizzled out by now. Can we now ascertain that these pricks are a pair of opportunists, as I stated before?

(Reader: “Yes”)

I thought so. So… I guess the next question is: Does this make Alex Jones a watered-down sell-out? In other words, maybe, just maybe, Alex Jones, the people’s person, is your regular ol’ revenue-hungry capitalist. It’s just a theory.

* Dedicated to the late, great Karl Malden, ‘cause he would(n’t) have wanted it this way.
* If you wanna get technical, Speidi are simply one fucktard, not two, because they possess the mental aptitude and capacity of only one brain (rounded up, of course).


  1. who are these guys? lol @ mimbo

  2. You forgot to say that in the first picture, his shirt says "Palin for VP"
    Looks like this was for a photoshoot too, not that I'm defending Speidi...

  3. Alex Jones is an articulate man, but I see through his facade. So you gotta see through his propoganda based off others propoganda, and realize he's in it for the money.
    It's all about money, no matter what side of the fence you're on. A bunch of greedy tyrants are probably doing all this fu@ked up sh!t, but if you focus on all that, you'll just spiral downward.
    People need to learn to think for themselves, and do what is right. Not what people say is right, or what the majority think is right, but what is actually right in this world of wrong.

  4. ^ Amen. Thank you for getting the point of this piece!!

  5. I heard Three Six Mafia is going to on his show next week to discuss the enlightenment and the french revolution....stay tuned!

  6. Cosign with RoyalBeatz. It's funny because I remember seeing one of his [Alex Jones'] docs where he was going off on Michael Moore, talking about how Fahrenheit 9/11 made Bush look like a dummy instead of someone who was dangerous and could actually be complicit in helping to attack America (if you choose to cosign that theory) - and by doing that Michael Moore was actually helping take the liability off Bush for whatever role (if any) he did play. Having "Speidi" (I just puked in my mouth a little typing that out, hell even thinking about them) has the same detrimental effect on AJ's point of view. Alex Jones will have the occasional thought-provoking, semi-lucid point - but then he takes it too far (see Ivan's comment on implanted microchips), and it doesn't help his credibility.

    The truth probably lies somewhere between the "official" line from our government and people the view of people like Jones. And as both you, Ivan, and RB07 say, people need to try and deduce for themselves what is "right" and "true".

    Also, on this collective pile of human waste wearing Obama gear, specifically the one without the flesh-colored beard ((c) Joel McHale), I say: O RLY??? - http://dcrepublican.com/2008/04/02/heidi-montag-endorses-john-mccain/

    Oh, what an election it will be when one of these two is old enough to run and is Palin's running mate....

  7. Ha, i don't even know who these people are but it was worth the laugh.

  8. Ivan your seriously gay as fucking shit...get a life you worthless liberal cock sucking hippie.

  9. Theo: Right on!

    anon: Your stoopid.

  10. yea anon you hella dumb bruh

    thanks for posting this my mellow Ivan

    in response to this anglo-saxon my link @ 1:47

  11. The images were very weird. I would have guessed that the Palin shirts would have been more recent since i heard that Spencer was "baptized" by Stephen Baldwin on 'I'm a celebrity....Get me out of here'. But it looks like it was during the election.

    Anyway, they are fucktards but i do still think Heidi is hot and Spencer is an ignorant, attention seeking, wannabe rapper.

  12. lmao. ivan, you went hard.