
UPDATE: Photoshop strikes again! Well play, internets. Well played...



Quote: I think I would have much preferred [Hillary Clinton] as president, and may have voted for her against John McCain.
What he really means to say is: It's been difficult to have to defend the Bush administration for eight years. Defending John McCain would have been just as arduous and I don't like to be on the losing side. The prospect of deriding the Clinton family once again would have given me sheer joy and would have provided greater ratings potential for myself and my network.
Quote: I think John McCain is a weird progressive like Theodore Roosevelt was.
What he really means to say is: John McCain is practically a communist compared to me. How can he call himself a Republican? I hate moderate Republicans with a passion. I wish my party consisted of the clones of Sarah Palin and exhumed Ronald Reagan zombies.
Quote: I think John McCain -- ha, how 'bout this -- I think John McCain would have been worse for the country than Barack Obama. How's that?
What he really means to say is: Did I say "worse for the country"? I meant "worse for my ratings"! With Barack Obama in office, I can put my mental derangement on display to the world by pulling out a blackboard and connecting all of my self-fabricated dots, tying the president to abhorrent people and groups like ACORN, Reverend Wright, Bill Ayers, Van Jones, Jesse Sharpton, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Jay-Z, Leon Trotsky, Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, the Detroit Lions, Osama Bin Laden, Woodstock '99, Pol Pot, every African American ever, bald eagles, the 9/11 families and Hurricane Katrina victims - like I said before, I hate black people. With John McCain as president, I wouldn't have had this great ego-stroking opportunity! They say that with Bush out of office, comedians have little to fall back on; but I've got plenty of material! Stay tuned tonight, when I'll be refuting the Brown v. Board decision and organizing a lynch mob. The South shall rise up free!







It's gonna be 'Tea-Bagging Day' for the right-wing, and they are going nuts for it. Thousands of them whipped out the festivities early this past weekend, and while the parties are officially toothless, the tea-baggers are full-throated about their goals. They wanna give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing and lick government spending - spending they did not oppose when they were under presidents Bush and Reagan ... That's tea-bagging in a nutshell ... Then there is the media, specifically the FOX News Channel, including Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. Both are looking forward to an up-close and personal taste of tea-bagging themselves at events this Wednesday.Please, make it stop. Please. Ehhhh, okay, here's one more:
We can only speculate why widespread tea-bagging made [Neil] Cavuto think of the Million Man March. Unless he got them confused with Dick Armey. And in Cavuto's defense, if you are planning simultaneous tea-bagging all around the country, you're gonna need a... Dick Armey.My hat's off to you, David, and the brilliant writing staff over at Countdown. Take a bow... but not too low!



