Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Iran So Far Away | Politics as Usual

I don’t need to talk about what’s going on in Iran right now, mainly because I respect my readership enough to assume that they aren’t so dimwitted to still not be in the know. Instead, I’d like to comment on the political landscape of this country in the wake of Iran’s so-called election. Let it be known that although I consider myself a democratic socialist (shocker, I know), I am not close-minded to the ideas and arguments of all conservatives. I read the writings of op-ed columnists like Andrew Sullivan, George Will, Kathleen Parker, David Brooks and the like. These are smart people. Others, like Bill Kristol, Charles Krauthammer, Dennis Prager and their ilk, are smart too. But they’re also dumbasses. And douche nozzles. When it comes to elected officials, it’s a bit more black and white. Most elected Republicans are Grade A nimrods, placed in their positions of power by Bible-thumping, Darwin-bashing yokels. Generally speaking, that is. Just sayin'. And I’m just introducing to you my standards of acceptability towards opinionated conservatives. And with that, I’d like to express my justification for this standard by pointing out some of the highlights of the week.

During the past week or so, a whole gang of Republicans – gang could not find a more suitable synonym at the moment – trounced on Obama’s stance on what’s going on in Iran. He’s not doing enough, they said! He’s appearing weak, they said! Looking back, I’d like to once again point out the ineptitudes of Republicans, exposing their petty, hypocritical, and downright idiotic fits over the Iranian “election”.

Mitt Throws a Fit

Two Sundays ago, two days after the Iranian “election” took place, ex-governor and Presidential nominee/loser Mitt Romney was on ABC’s “This Week” to discuss the results. As he put it, “what has occurred is the election is a fraud.” Right on, Mitt, I couldn’t agree with you anymore. But wait! Mittens had more: “It’s very clear that the president’s policies of going around the world and apologizing for America aren’t working. … Look, just sweet talk and criticizing America is not going to enhance freedom in the world.” In other words, the Mittster blamed Iran’s election fraud on Barack Obama. Yeah, because clearly Obama’s well-received speech in Egypt wasn’t enough to stop Iranian officials from rigging their own elections. Yeah, that makes sense. Moving on…

The World, Fleischer and the Devil

Kudos if you caught that film title reference. In an e-mail to Washington Post writer Glenn Kessler, Ari Fleischer, the former press secretary for George W.A.R. Bush, suggested that the yearning for democracy in Iran can be accredited to one man: George Bush! His exact words were as follows: “Bush’s tough policies have helped give rise to the reformists and I think we’re witnessing that today”. He went on to add: “I think it’s fair to say the George Bush’s Freedom Agenda planted seeds that have started to grow in the Middle East”. In my opinion, it’s fair to say that not only is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the Iranian equivalent to George Bush himself, but that Bush’s war with Iraq single-handedly facilitated an environment in which Ahmadinejad could rise to power. This scenario ultimately led to the Iranian people’s choice to revolt against Ahmadinejad as we are clearly seeing now. So in a way, Ari Fleischer is actually correct. Only George Bush’s incompetent, anti-diplomatic Middle Eastern foreign policy could have could have created a monster the Iranian people would want to rid themselves of in favor of a more progressive candidate. Kinda like what we did here in the U.S., opting for Barack!

Well done, Georgie! In fact, I’m surprised that Mitt Romney, clearly a man who possesses flawless logic, didn’t blame George Bush for Ahmadinejad’s first presidential victory. After all, Ahmadinejad became Iran’s president in 2005 – when Bush was still in office. I take back the praise, George. Yes, even the sarcastic praise.

The Martyr Complex: Republican Tweets and Treats

There’s a new website out called Pete Hoekstra is a Meme. The idea for the site came about soon after Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-MI) tweeted this gem: “Iranian twitter activity similar to what we did in House last year when Republicans were shut down in the House.” Since then, the site has garnered much attention for mocking Hoekstra’s unbalanced comparisons. A few examples include “My toilet just overflowed a little. Now I know how the Indonesian tsunami victims felt” and “The lack of choice in the Congressional cafeteria is just like being in Auschwitz” sent in via The Daily Show. Unsurprisingly, Rep. John Culberson (R-TX) chimed in with Hoekstra, claiming that Republicans are an “oppressed minority” just like the Iranian people. Unsurprisingly (again), television and radio host Glenn Beck shared this tidbit of evaluation: “I look at what’s happening in Iran … I think we’re in the same situation here”. What a sad, sad little man…

Charles Krauthammer: The Supreme Leader of Hypocrisy

Put aside the fact that Krauthammer kind of looks like Big Bird from Sesame Street; one of the smuggest bastards you’ll ever see on television, Krauthammer is a certified, bonafide d-bag. This past Friday, he wrote an op-ed piece in which he criticized Barack Obama for referring to Khamenei (you know, the Supreme Leader of Iran) as the Supreme Leader of Iran. A wordsmith like no other, Krauthammer bashed Obama with pretentious penmanship: “Note the abject solicitousness with which the American president confers this honorific on a clerical dictator who, even as his minions attack demonstrators, offers to examine some returns in some electoral districts -- a farcical fix that will do nothing to alter the fraudulence of the election.” Blah. I think someone needs to take a look at George Orwell's Rules for Writers.

I wouldn’t have made such a big deal over this had Krauthammer not called Khamenei the Supreme Leader of Iran both before and after Barack Obama said it! That’s right! On Fox News’ June 14th “Special Report With Bret Baier”, Krauthammer referred to Khamanei as (you guessed it!) the “Supreme Leader”. I believe the exact quote was “Khamenei, the supreme leader, remains in charge.” Then on June 22nd, days after Krauthammer’s previously mentioned op-ed piece was written and published, he appeared on Dennis Miller’s radio show, again referring to the ayatollah as the “Supreme Leader”. I’m nice with the quotes, so here we go: “There’s no way he’s going to sweet talk, you know, the Supreme Leader out of his nukes.” Do Republicans have no sense of yesterday, today, tomorrow? Or do they simply lie for the sake of lying? To make matters worse (and by worse, I mean funnier), John McCain, appearing on Fox News (go figure), referred to Khamenei as the “Supreme Leader” on the same day that Krauthammer’s op-ed piece was published. Will Krauthammer’s next article attack McCain (and himself) as harshly as he originally attacked the President? I doubt it.

McCain in the Membrane

To cap it all off, let’s look back for a moment. Remember that time when not-President John McCain sang that popular Beach Boys song “Barbara Ann”, except he replaced the chorus with “bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran”. Good times… I’d think it’d be best that he kept his mouth shut on what yes-President Barack Obama should do about Iran. Don’t you? ‘nuff said.

Keep doing what you’re doing, Republicans. It’s only helping our cause.