Shaq to Kobe: "Tell Me How My Ass Tastes"

Just when you thought hip hop couldn't get even more homoerotic in less than a week ("eat a dick!") comes this bombshell from none other than Shaq Diesel himself. Now y'all know me: I'm a bit of a Kobe stan. I'll admit it! To paraphrase a popular hip hop quote: "Don't hate Kobe, hate the team." As a die-hard Laker fan, I'll always have great respect and admiration for Shaq's efforts and the rings he brought us. But some sh*t just can't be forgiven. Take this video/freestyle/abomination for example. It puts extra emphasis on W and T and F... Seriously, what was he thinking!? HHIR affiliate Nay persuaded me to follow this story and I obliged. I told him there's no way Shaq could have been sober in this clip. Anyone else agree with me?

This video is pretty sad, but I give Shaq credit for one thing: he's given us bloggers plenty of quote-worthy fodder for days (weeks? ... years?) to come. Check out some of these gems:

Last week Kobe couldn't do (it) without me

I call myself B.I.G. 'cause I live next to Diddy/
Excuse me! Diddy lives next to me!/

If Biggie was still here, he would be right there

Ain't nobody do it bigger than me/
That's like a white boy trying to be more n*gga than me/
That's like a homeless cat having more figgas than me/
That's like Patrick Ewing having more rings than me/
[...undecipherable...]
[...^ ditto ^...]
That's like Kareem say [...huh?...] he's better than me/

Kobe. N*gga. Tell me how my ass tastes!

I'm a horse./
Kobe ratted me out. That's why I'm getting divorced./
He said Shaq gave a bitch a mill'./
I don't do that 'cause my name's Shaquille./

I love 'em, I don't leave 'em./
I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em./

The funny thing is that Shaq's team (the Suns) got axed out long before the Lake Show did, but hey.... Anyways, I'm kinda hoping that Kobe will jump into the booth and reply. I'm keeping my middle and ring fingers crossed (West, West y'all... you know what it is).

Seriously though: tell me how my ass tastes...